I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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