just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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