just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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