theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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