why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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