Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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