I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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