then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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