I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
