Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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