he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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