i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Let's get the cat blown out
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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