i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
