Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize