Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
