He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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