Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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