Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
