there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes