Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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