These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
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It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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