why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
