I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
