I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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