We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
