there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
