Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
