and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
