that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
