4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
