my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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