How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
