He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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