can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
