Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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