Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
