I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
