I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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