beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
