If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
