So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
