haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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