Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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