I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
