She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
