We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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