i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
