i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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