Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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