i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
