i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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