Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
