Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
