How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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