i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
