I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world