phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's