Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
If you need anything just hit me up
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.