Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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