remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
