By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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