theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
