he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
