You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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