i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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