Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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