I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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