One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
