Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
