I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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