I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm both gender and math confused
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
