OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
