if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
