Your tits are I can't wait for
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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