you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
