my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He shit in the fireplace
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
