WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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