we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
