Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
