how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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