she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
