I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
