I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
